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I met with a carpenter I knew toward day's end and bought him a few ales. He produced, from under his workbench, a box filled with wonderful dildoes of various woods, sizes and types. He must have had a hundred that he had turned out in his spare time on his foot-treadle lathe; some were even curved and a few were ribbed or knobby.I chose a smooth and headless prod of six or seven inches, not too thick but tapering to decent size, paid his price and went back to Madam Von R-'s manse, very pleased with myself. I told one of the maids to tell Etta I had something for her, and the girl appeared in my hideaway that evening, all aflutter with knots of cloth in her dark mane."Do you know what this is?" I asked, producing the rosewood object in its slim velvet bag.She shook her head and smiled at me, her beauty shining out of her eyes."It's a woman's true friend, carved in wood. It's a man's pride that she can have any time she wants it without putting up with the brute." I pulled it out. Do I get a drink, at least?" A drink for the dark damsel!" Some blond head bounced out of the room."Someday, I've got to learn some way to tell all you blonds apart." Oh, you weren't with us. We did that on the way here. We figured out whoall of us are, including you being Al and Keela being Will," said the onewith the waist-length curly black hair. "I'm Murrie, M.U.R.R.I.E., and Iused to be Murray, M.U.R.R.A.Y. I trust that you figured out that spellingis important." Yeah. I'm Alice, spelled A.L.I.C.E., not to be confused with the thirtyother Alices in the Complex who spell their names with Ys, Ss, and extraEs and Ls."Murrie began explaining everyone else's names, but Alice shook his handsat him. "No, Murrie, stop! One name at a time! If I try to learn too manyat once, I won't rem'ber anyone!" Then, he looked at everyone circlingaround him, and he squinted his eyes craftily. "What am I saying? I din'twant to tell that story. Of COURSE I want to learn all your names! Andthen we can.
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